ang buhay parang butterfly… (weh!?)


These are dead butterfly’s wings I just found minutes ago in one of my notebooks.. I remember when I first saw this more or less 5 years ago. Paalis ako ng bahay nun, pag-tapak ko ng hagdan sa labas ng bahay sa JEM2, nakita ko ito sa lapag – sa steps mismo nung semento sa labas. Natuwa at na-amaze ako kase wala na yung katawan nya at ulo pero wings nya intact pa.

Ahmmm.. Di ko sadyang makita ulit ito today. I have almost forgotten about it. I just took out this notebook kase I plan to write something as I am re-reading one book at gusto ko isulat details (characters, quotes, etc). Pag leaf through (tama ba english ko? Basta pag-lipat ng page) ko dun sa black pages, it was then nakita ko ito.

In person matingkad parin yun purple na nakamix sa white parts nung wings. The wings itself, yung feel nya, texture, parang buhay na buhay pa. Hindi sya tuyo na parang dead leaf. Gets mo na? Gets mo na!

Ano bang pinaglalaban ko? Wala naman. Ganang mahilig ako sa analogies, haha..

Anyway, para tayong butterfly. Ang buhay natin parang butterfly. Pumapagaspas? Haha hinde.

Naisip nyo na ba bakit?

Think deep. Dali!

Siret na?

Pag tayo ay na-deads (note that I did not use “mamatay” para di masyado serious and katakot), our bodies may (taglish, men!) deteriorate (deep!) ba yun? Basta! Yung physical body natin mawawala, magiging buto na lang tayo, etcetera etcetera, pero just like the dead butterfly, why we leave behind matters.

Ang hirap a. Teka.

Basta yung magandang nagawa natin sa buhay (meron at meron yan kahit mukhang wala), ay mananatili parin katulad nitong wings ni dead butterfly. These wings represent memories. Even if we die, we will still be alive in the memories we left behind.

Di ba? Naisip mo na?

Not unless ako lang talaga nagagandahan sa wings na ‘to. Pero basta yun.

So create more beautiful memories to leave beautiful wings. The more memories, the more chances of winning! Ay mali! The more beautiful pala yung maiiwan mong alala pag time mo na.. 😉

kinanta ko talaga amp.

Oks na?

UPDATE: Found another dead butterfly in March. Ito daw yung dumalaw sa bahay nung birthday ni Papa (RIP).

“thinking aloud” but silently

Just because I don’t say anything doesn’t mean I don’t notice and just because I don’t ask a lot of questions doesn’t mean I’m stupid.

At the back of my mind, I laugh at those who believe and think I don’t know something. They don’t know that I notice things they think I wouldn’t see. 😉

Ever since I was a kid, some people would always complain about how quiet I am, that I don’t speak up, etc. At school, teachers would report to my parents that I refuse to recite, won’t see me raising my hand, even if they know I know the answers, even if they know I have something to say. Years ago my silence was taken against me- that as a senior, if I want to take lead, I should learn to speak up. Only a few understands and I am forever thankful to that anonymous one who commented on a nomination site telling me, “you have proven that to be a leader, one doesn’t have to be aggressive.”.. that’s what I’ve been holding on to since then.

I don’t talk because I know nothing. I know some things and keep it to myself, that’s why I don’t talk.

I am not a fan of talking. I just love sitting back and watching everything (every secret unfolding).

I think I was born an observer and I’m loving the realization that I am.

Hmm.. will I pass as a secret agent? Now I wanna be one! *sighs* #theBourneEffect 😂😂

intercept

Malayo palang alam ko na. Yung left eye na yan, yung figure, the way you walk – alam ko na. Sigurado ako ikaw yun.

As we got nearer each other, I can’t stop looking at you while wondering if you can still remember me. 

Ito na. Yung moment na magtatapat na tayo (coming from different directions). My eyes fixed on you. Then you saw me.

Nagkatinginan tayo. Yung moment na hindi ko alam kung hihinto ako to mention your name.

We were close friends and inseparable 16 years ago. 

The biggest and the smallest, together.. sometimes with the tallest, too. My most memorable lines from you was when you were slightly scolding me the day after you were absent, “pag absent ako di ka na kakain.. pano pag wala ako di ka na kikilos?”

Pagtapat ko syo habang nagkatinginan tayo, walang huminto (guess you were trying to remember and asking yourself who is this staring at you). We still continued to walk in opposite directions. I hope you heard me when I whispered your name as you passed me by, “Andrea”. 

Maybe you’d be proud of me if I tell you I’ve changed in some way – I can now eat without company, and have gone to a place hundreds of kilometers on my own and back.

While I am now on my way home, I wonder what if I stopped. But what if you no longer remember. That 3-second eye-to-eye intercept made me wonder.

asterisk*

Not every thing in life is asterisked*. 😉

Hindi naman lahat ng bagay required – maintindihan, makuha, ma-achieve. 

Minsan sapat na lang na alam mo kung ano, pero di required intindihin kung bakit or kung paano. 

Wag mong obligahin ang sarili mo sa mga bagay na hindi required gawin, kunin, intindihin, or i-achieve. And don’t take it against yourself for not doing, not getting, not understanding, not achieving.

Things that are “Good-to-have”, “good-to-know” may not necessarily mean required to have or required to know. Recommended maybe, but not required.

We often feel guilty or confused about whether or not do certain things for someone. We require ourselves of things that none of those people are obliging us. 

You may be a good friend to some, but you are not required to agree with them all the time. Likewise, you may be in a mutual hate with another but you are not required to disagree with them every single time.

You may know somebody your friends hate but it doesn’t mean you have to hate the same person, too.

You can invite a friend for a chat over coffee but he/she isn’t required to invite you come see with them a movie.

In today’s times, I have already accepted and learned that opening doors for the person behind you, letting people take your seat are no longer a requirement, but a choice. And we don’t have to judge and be judged from the choice we’d make (on letting or refusing to do).

It’s okay to say No sometimes (for valid reasons). And it’s not required to say Yes all the time. 😉