Daily Prompt: Release Me

Tell us about the blog post you were most nervous to publish — and what it was like to set it free. -Daily Prompt

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It was on December 31, 2011 – New Year’s Eve.

I wrote a poem that would tell someone everything I have been keeping from him. The things that almost all of friends know except him. I told my friends that it’s going to be the last thing that I’d do for this person and that after I post it, I’ll move on and let go. I started to write that poem 3 days before the last day of 2011 and finished it just minutes before the New Year (2012). When I have finished writing the poem, I posted something on my Facebook wall that says I just finished (writing) and that I am scared to post it.

I was so nervous – palms cold and heart beating fast. Nervous on the fact that the person for whom the poem was written has the possibility to read it, and nervous to think that he might not read it after all. My friends commented with encouragements like “Go! Post it!” while one of my friends told me to send/message him the poem and he’ll be the one to post it on my behalf.

The year 2011 did not end without me posting it. I posted it not on my wall but on the wall of our group page in Facebook – a group page where he, the person to whom the poem is for, is also a part of.

What I felt after I have posted the poem? Still nervous but slightly relieved that finally I’d be able to tell that person everything (that he might have been told) even if I know there’s also a possibility he won’t read it.

That’s it!

By the way, the poem was about my first (and last confession). Read it >here<.

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Daily Prompt: Unplugged

Sometimes, we all need a break from these little glowing boxes. How do you know when it’s time to unplug? What do you do to make it happen? – Daily Prompt

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There really had been times when I know that I need to take a break from online social media – a break from telling the world how I feel through status messages , pictures, and tweets. Although I needed to take that break, I just couldn’t. Every time I would tell my friends that I will be on facebook hiatus, they just won’t believe me and I would normally get a raised eyebrow with them saying “totoo ba yan? di mo kaya (is it for real? No, you can’t do that)”. They won’t believe me because for the record, I am always known by my friends to be addicted to social media – I have facebook, twitter (@choruscel), instagram (@jokeljardin), and this wordpress account (joknut.wordpress.com). They would even sometimes name me as a social media queen as I do not only have these social media accounts, but I really do post a lot – every hour, every day, and every time I feel and think of anything to post.

Then there came a time, maybe a week ago when I thought that I seriously need to disconnect.. for real. This was the time when I feel so sad and depressed with what’s happening in my family life (and no friend to talk to about it) that I can no longer find it in my heart to post anything positive (and happy) or even stay online on facebook and browse my newsfeed. I once posted the following before I decided to be on hiatus:
“So many happy posts on facebook I can’t relate.”

and this one, a quote from the book The Perks of Being A Wallflower, which I was currently reading that time, that best explained how I was feeling.

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After posting these, my hiatus became official. I did not post any more on facebook, but I would at least browse my newsfeed. Until a friend sent me message in LINE. “Ayaw mo mag-facebook?” (you don’t want facebook?), then I asked why and she answered by saying that it’s because she just noticed that she’s not seeing me (post updates) on facebook, then I finally told her that I am on facebook break for a change.

My FB hiatus didn’t last long, but I am glad that I finally was able to disconnect from it even for at least a week, whether or not my inactiveness was noticeable. A week of keeping myself from posting was somehow helpful. I got to think deeply without having to tell the world what is it I’m thinking.

And finally this thought lighted my thought bubble: I couldn’t just stay sad and depressed for a long time. I couldn’t be disconnected from the world forever. I need to stop thinking of things that make me sad.

From the Homily in one of the Holy Masses I heard, this one got stuck on my head: “Faith is the assurance of the things we hope for and the conviction of the things that we do not see.”

This told me and made me realize to stop worrying.

Finally, since it was only days before my birth month, October when I was in an FB hiatus, I thought to myself that I couldn’t be sad in October.. I want to be happy at least in all the days of the month when I was born. 🙂

Daily Prompt: Imagine All the People

From Daily Prompt: Imagine

The next time you’re in a public place — a coffeehouse, a park, a store — observe the people around you. Pick a person, a couple, or a group, and imagine what their lives might be like.

This is just the right prompt.

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I’ve been observing people these days – well almost everyday, on the way to work, during lunch time and breaks, up to the time I spend going home. I’ve been thinking about people. Happy-looking people makes me think if they still maintain the same happiness when they get home, or are they just making the most out of the day that they are outside their homes to forget anything (if there is any) that makes them sad in the house… just like me.

Daily Prompt: I am a Rock

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I used to be a rock. I don’t ask for help not even when I am really close to crying and giving up. People only know when they notice me but not because I tell them.

But I have already learned to seek for help. I know now when to ask for it. Asking somebody’s help won’t hurt, anyway.

Asking for help is not a sign of weakness. It only means we’re brave enough to accept that there are some things that we cannot do alone.

**in response to Daily Prompt: I am a Rock