the grinch in me

Happy Birthday, Jesus!

I like Christmas songs, playlists and all, the Christmas breeze, the bright Christmas lights, and I love blasting Christmas music at the malls during this season. It makes me giddy.

But all my happy and merry feelings suddenly fade on the day of celebration—on Christmas Day. This also happens on New Year’s Day. Every time.

I don’t know when this all started because as far back as I remember, I have always been like this on both days ever since grade school.

I am that kid who would sleep on the eve of Christmas and New Year. My parents would always wake me up before midnight and I would always pretend to be in deep sleep. They may be successful on getting me to get up and but I’d always be the only one not merry on Christmas and happy on New Year. I would always be scolded to fix myself (from pouting, and sometimes having a poker face).

I only participate just so I could eat afterwards, then finally go back to sleep. On New Years, I am the only person who just wants to stay inside the house than enjoy watching fireworks and firecrackers outside. I would join lighting the lusis but I won’t enjoy.

I also used to go to get-togethers every year with the Coronel side of the family. But even that, I stopped going there with my family every December 25th since after my Mami, our grandmother, passed away in 2014.

I don’t know if there was something that happened that made me like this or is it that I was just born this way. I am happy for Jesus’ birthday, I do. I just pray He’d understand even if I don’t understand myself why.

I am Grinch. I am my own Grinch. I grinch nobody’s Christmas but my own.

But sincerely, may you all have a…

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