For the first time after 2 years, I am starting to fall the same way again. Is it a good thing or a bad thing? I don’t know. All I know is that I’m starting to love someone from a “distance” again. Distance is an imaginary gap I feel I have with this person.
The first time I loved someone this way, I have kept it a secret for 5 years. Five years of being contented with just seeing him, of just being able to talk to him, spend a day with him along with other friends. I am just contented that way. It was only on the 5th year that I felt tired. I stopped.
It has already been more or less three years since then. I think leaving my previous company really did help.
Now I find myself in the same situation again. Contented with just knowing this person is happy, feeling sad whenever he seems not.
I guess It’s like window-shopping.
Me loving someone from a “distance” is like me window-shopping. Admiring something on the other side of the glass window with no intent to purchase.
But somehow sometimes even if you intent to get it, like no matter how much you love a specific dress in the glass window, you just can’t go and buy it. Because you know somebody has already picked it first, and most times it’s just not for you to have. :’)
I don’t know for how long I can do this, this time. It makes me sad sometimes, but I chose for it. I just have to be contented keeping this distance between me and him on the other side of an imaginary glass window.