I wanted to write about this weeks ago but I am too lazy (nothing new) these days to write and blog about how I feel and what I have learned the past days and weeks. As you may notice, all my recent blog posts are only entries for the weekly photo challenge – just pictures and a single word which is the theme for the week (eg. Silhouette, Happy).
Not until today. My youngest brother was playing the song “You and Me” by Lifehouse earlier on Youtube, and while I sang along to it, I suddenly thought of the following which really has no connection to the meaning of the song and this I cannot let the day end without writing about.
The 2nd part: Realizations
The first part was a poem before letting go.
No more crushes. No more looking around. I am no longer looking for that someone I thought that would make me happy. I realized I was wrong – it is not anyone that will make me happy. My happiness should not even depend on anyone.. But me.
For as long I as know there is someone I can tell anything-under-the-sun to anytime (weekday, weekend, morning, night, midnight, dawn), I am fine.
I am happy just to know that while others think I am only spamming on Facebook, other friends would still want to see me post.
For as long as there is at least one person who willingly comes to eat with me during lunch time, or waits for me after work, then I should be OK.
And though there would be times that I could have no one to spend time with, then I take it as a rare chance to be alone and enjoy my own company – to think, and be thankful for that freedom. But please note that I still never want to be left alone – the fear of being alone is something I can never overcome… Ever.
To have family I come home to, is a blessing.
To have the chance to do things that make me enjoy life (marathon, charity fun runs, outdoor activities like zip line, tree-top adventure like canopy ride, etc) and have friends to enjoy it with, is a gift. Trekking would be fun too. Someday I’ll do that! 🙂
With all these, how can I ask for someone? Or an “other half”? Two halves don’t make a whole. You are already One and you shouldn’t consider yourself just a half of another. One becomes whole when one accepts and embraces everything one is made of which includes things that he has and things he doesn’t have, his strengths, weaknesses, beauty and flaws.
It may seem that I am only making myself believe that I don’t really need another person (a “someone”) in my life..
It could be true.
And this is just an “acceptance in advance” of what the future might hold for and await me. 😉
For whatever, and no matter what my future will be like – will I live alone or not? Will I die early? Am I going to live to be 100?.. I am accepting it now.