“hide and seek”

I always hide what i really feel
and later seek a place to scream
always hide and hold back my tears  from falling
while seeking courage to continue laughing..

17 yrs ago, when I was 9
almost the same thing happened to me, that time
all eyes at me, observing
expecting that I would end up crying..

the whole time they saw me laughing with my peers
that whole time I was hiding away my tears
my teachers said they thought “she was really tough”
they didnt know, as soon i got home, i sobbed.

2 days ago, somebody asked me “are you okay?”
i answered “yes, I am”
she asked again “are you really okay?”
again, while laughing “yes, I am. yes, I am”

almost every year for 3 yrs now
same thing happens, but I never asked, why nor how
but in those 3 yrs or so that is the only day
I was asked if I was okay..

I hid what I feel
and sought for something to laugh about
we were both laughing then but as soon i return
I can’t help but quietly sob..

you asked “are you okay?”
thank you for minding to ask
and for this alone, now I think I am.. 🙂

 

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