“hide and seek”

 

I always hide what i really feel
 and later seek a place to scream
 always hide and hold back my tears  from falling
 while seeking courage to continue laughing.. 

17 yrs ago, when I was 9
 almost the same thing happened to me, that time
 all eyes at me, observing
 expecting that I would end up crying..

the whole time they saw me laughing with my peers
 that whole time I was hiding away my tears
 my teachers said they thought "she was really tough"
 they didnt know, as soon i got home, i sobbed. 

2 days ago, somebody asked me "are you okay?"
 i answered "yes, I am"
 she asked again "are you really okay?"
 again, while laughing "yes, I am. yes, I am" 

almost every year for 3 yrs now
 same thing happens, but I never asked, why nor how
 but in those 3 yrs or so that is the only day
 I was asked if I was okay.. 

I hid what I feel
 and sought for something to laugh about
 we were both laughing then but as soon i return
 I can't help but quietly sob.. 

you asked "are you okay?"
 thank you for minding to ask
 and for this alone, now I think I am.. 🙂