after all..

Whew! It’s over.. well atleast for now..
The past few weeks have been tiring both physically and emotionally, for my family. We have been through the most difficult times, and I have been there to face those with them for more or less 15 years.
We have been through tough times, problems of all sorts, from death of a sibling, to the fear of not being able to continue school, to the fear of having a broken home.
I have always thought that we had just enough of what problems we already had, not until the past few weeks. Nobody ever expected, nobody ever thought that we would be facing something like what happened, which nobody, not even you could imagine it will happen to anyone’s family.. I couldn’t until now imagine that something like that could be real because I have only known stories like that happened (or happening) to a family of a friend of a friend, but never imagined it could happen to my own.
..And then it came.. when mama broke the news to me, when she told me what was happening, I got shocked, but treated it as if I am not bothered. For years through all these, I have never shown to them that I am as affected as they are. There were times I saw mama who seemed to have just finished crying, kept her silence as we were just staying home.. feeling her pain, I can’t think of anything to say re the current situation, all I could think of that moment was try telling her all that has happened to me which she might be interested to hear while I kept projecting unaffected, swallowing the pain before it showed as tears.. And as always, I only cried every time I am left alone, in my sanctuary, head buried in pillows, pretending to want to sleep so she won’t see me crying..
Never will end — I thought this would be.
I have always learned that I will not be able to face mornings if I won’t let nights to end. I kept telling myself “hindi mo naman makikita ang umaga pag di mo hinayaang matapos ang gabi”, and from there I decided to face every thing that will happen each night, witness everything that will happen be finished, embrace whatever it is, watch it subside, enjoy as it conclude, finally take the sleep when it finishes, and pray for peaceful morning the next day..
As a consolation, as a prayer request granted, God gave me “silent nights”.
This specific tough time didn’t last long.. gladly, thankful it ended okay..
BRO has given me silent nights, and He as always, have been generous to give me happy mornings..
The prodigal is now back home.. It’s over… at least for now.. mama’s smiling, mami lola’s back to being cheerful, the house is a home once again, and me..? standing still, keeping strong as Im back telling my story one more time..
ow yes.. we’re alive after all.. kicking happy.. 
*Bro, thanks for keeping my boat afloat all these times..

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